"I'm a lesbian girl. I live with my family. The truth is that things are going well around here, although I have to admit that having to study a lot is very overwhelming and sometimes I don't do it (I haven't done it in 3 weeks).
There are days when I fight with my family, especially my father, about my way of thinking and, of course, about my sexuality. He does make some very misogynistic and homophobic comments. I'm out of the closet, so yes, he does make those comments intentionally, but I don't let him ruin my days.
I hope you all feel good and are staying at home. Your friend sends you good vibes. ❤️"
Anonymous, Mexico City, Mexico
"The greatest anxiety is not having to stay at home, but staying in a house that I don't love, in a town that I don't love, and the ambulance sirens blaring right outside my house. The greatest burden is having to share this house with my parents, not so much for my mother, but certainly it is very hard having to put up with my father. A father who has no respect for me and shows it as soon as he gets the chance."
Mara, Bergamo, Italy
"My name is Alejandro Daniel, I'm a 15-year-old trans boy. Since this COVID-19 thing started, and we were quarantined, I have had to learn to deal with and endure insults, beatings and criticism from my parents. They don't accept the fact that I'm trans.
Every day and night it's the same: crying, anxiety attacks, asking for this martyrdom to end. Several times I have tried to kill myself, to end all this pain and suffering, but then I start thinking that I must be strong, I want to fulfill my dreams and be happy at last.
Honestly, it's a hard thing to go through, but it does teach me a lesson after all: I am strong and I can fight, I can resist and keep going in spite of everything, it is only a "test" that I will manage to pass and then this will be no more than a bad memory."
Alejandro Daniel, Zacatecas, Mexico
"The nightlife in the city where I live is dead because of crime. So whether it's because of health restrictions or not, confinement is inevitable."
Guillermo Guzmán Amar, Reynosa, Mexico
"I worry more about coronavirus than HIV while on Grindr."
Carlos, Florida, USA
"Because of the pandemic, I've been separated from my girlfriend for two months. We contact each other regularly, but I miss having her next to me.
Yet I don't despair. I know I will see her when the lockdown is lifted. Plus, she's planning to come out to her parents after the lockdown. It's a moment that scares her, but it's a moment she really needs. And I'm proud of her because she's taking the courage to be herself with her family.
I also plan to invite her to see my parents after the lockdown. My parents know I'm a lesbian and they accept me the way I am. No one can imagine how reassuring it is for a child to have their parents by their side when they realize they are gay. I'm happy, I'm free to be myself, and I know that one day my girlfriend will be too.
I want to send a message of hope and positivity to the young LGBT people who read my message, and who, perhaps, have just discovered themselves. Know that being yourself is the most beautiful thing that life can offer you. It is hard to love in this world for people like us. But, I assure you, it's worth it! And even if you're scared, even if you're lonely, I promise you, someday you'll be happy."
Justine, France
"I’m bisexual and polyamorous but don’t live with any of my partners and I really miss being near them. I also miss hanging out with the queer family of color I’ve accumulated in New York."
Lee, Manhattan, NYC, USA
"My husband William of 21 years, we were officially married for 8 of those years. He was very concerned about this virus and catching it.
One day he wasn't feeling well and called his doctor who told him he needed to get tested for COVID-19. William went to the local Urgent Care got tested and waited, after 4 days they still didn't have the results, after 8 days still no results.
Tuesday, April 7th started like any other day but a little after 1 pm William had a heart attack and died. It took the medical examiner a day and a half to get the results and it turned out William had the virus. COVID-10, his diabetes, high blood pressure, and stress turned out to be a deadly combination.
Now I'm alone and self-isolating, between family on both sides and friends I don't know how I would get through this."
David, New York City, USA
"COVID-19 affected my partner and I in our plans for this year. We were planning to take all the necessary steps for his sex change, since all his life he has felt uncomfortable with it.
Last year he finally accepted himself completely as a man and after several efforts and therapy he was encouraged to do what he's been wanting to do all his life.
With this virus our plans were postponed and I feel that his fears are attacking him. It is a difficult path but I think we are handling it well and with much love and acceptance.
"
Lizzy, Aguascalientes, Mexico
"I was finishing my last semester of college, about to graduate, when I heard travel restrictions were getting heavier, and I lost my job.
With no income, I would graduate and suddenly be homeless, because I grew up in Australia.
I had planned to live with my friend and my cat in an apartment in Inwood, NY, but I was begged to get on a flight back to Australia by my parents.
I had to panic book a few flights and got kicked off my original booking. After over two days of messy travel, I had to be isolated in my childhood bedroom for two weeks, and I've just come out of quarantine.
It is much safer here, as the virus is much more controlled. But I'm trans and started hormones in the US, saw my therapist in the US, had my regular doctor in the US. In Australia, I'm running low on testosterone and needles. I'm unable to restock yet, because I need to be assessed by a gender therapist here, see a general psychologist, and I need to see a psychiatrist to get my general medication.
I left the US not properly packing, so I'm missing schoolbooks and proper clothes for winter. I'm struggling to finish my classes and final project. I don't even know what's going to happen for graduation, because I can't fly back. I might have to re-settle in Australia for a long while, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I tried so hard to settle in the US.
I'm trying to find a job, but no one is hiring here. I'm extremely lucky to have family and friends here, but there's so much I left behind, including my poor cat."
Rian, New York City, USA
"I met my now-fiancée in college a decade ago, and my religious parents responded to their discovery of our relationship by kicking me out. We now live together in a place where we feel safe, even despite the overall attitudes elsewhere in our country.
Because my parents initially withheld my possessions from me at their home, I reconciled with them under false pretenses, just so I could sneak my belongings out little by little with each painful visit. I finished rescuing the last of my belongings - and made my final visit to my parents - just before the pandemic hit.
Now that I have an extremely justified excuse to not visit them anymore, I am at long last getting much-needed distance from the toxic and unloving environment I was raised in. I now have space and quiet to heal that I’ve always needed - yet all my love goes out to my siblings-at-heart who are still stuck with their families, still facing daily dysphoria and hatred from those who should be loving them and loving each other in these rough times.
I snuck out in the nick of time, but you all are still staring down your demons. You are all so brave and so, so beautiful. I am with you in spirit. <3
"
Merrow, Northampton, Massachusetts, USA
"The coronavirus has put me in a funk. It has made my favorite sexual practices off limits.
"
Tonio, DeKalb County, Georgia, USA
"My name is Michael, I'm an actor who graduated from drama school at the age of 41, a little later in life than most actors. My husband and I have been together for 31 years, marrying in 2006.
Determination, hard work and professionalism can pay off and last year I was cast in one of my favorite productions and plays 'An Inspector Calls'. I finally achieved what I didn't think I would. We started the UK tour in September 2019 and we were due to run until the end of May 2020. The COVID-19 pandemic has brought that to a halt, when the theaters were closed across the UK and the world.
My hubby and I had a cough about 5 weeks ago, and I had one day of feeling very achy. The next day the aches had gone, and we both had a very intermittent dry cough. We self-isolated for fourteen days and luckily, our very mild symptoms eventually went after a week.
"I am the founder of Mesa Diversa DIVERGENEROS C3, in the Manrique neighborhood of Medellín, where we defend the human rights of sexually diverse people.
During this quarantine, I've challenged myself to let the hair on my chin grow and not cut it off until all this is over. I was born a woman biologically, but I am a transgender person who is experiencing a natural transition during this confinement as I have a beard, but I am not injecting myself or taking testosterone to make this happen.
My partner is very supportive, and she is also a great woman and an activist for the LGBTI population and together we work to defend human rights.
I think that my body is currently experiencing and showing the intersexuality that lives in me but that I always hide. I have always shaved my chin and the mustache that comes out. Now I feel and look weird in the mirror and the decision I have to make is whether I want to make intersex visible to the outside world or just at home. We will see what happens!
"
Agueda Maide Gallego Ospina, Medellín, Colombia
"Our confinement is rather comfortable since we live in a house surrounded by a garden with trees, where we can have an apéritif as a couple. What we miss is the direct contact with our friends with whom we would like to have a barbecue and I think this is the first thing we will do on the day the lockdown is lifted. We went to pick some lilies despite the ban on going into the woods because we thought it was ridiculous. It must be said that in a village of 270 inhabitants, there are no controls. We can do our shopping in Chablis from time to time and that gives us an opportunity to go out. I am 67 years old, my partner is 66 and our needs for going out to clubs or the cinema are now limited, so we are not unhappy and often think of all the people who are not so lucky. Also, we wish everyone to hang in there and wait for better days that will come for sure. Good luck to all of you!"
Eric Bailly, Courgis, France
"When I was 15, I saw how all my friends had boyfriends and were excited about having one, but not me.
Things at home were not the best, at least with my father. He was a very homophobic person as well as his whole family. I never had any attraction to anyone and because of pressure from my friends I had a boyfriend, who, although he was very cute and attentive, I didn't feel comfortable with. When I was in high school, I had crushes on men, but suddenly I realized that it also happened to me with a female friend. I spent a lot of time denying it, thinking that it was just strong affection.
When I started college I realized that what I was experiencing was bisexuality, but I also realized that attraction for me only showed up after getting to know people, which made me look for a better definition once again. I ended up finding pansexuality and I truly felt it defined me fully. Now with the COVID-19 contingency, I tried to bring it up to my family, which is mostly men, my mom, and me.
They told me that it was stupid and that it was because we were locked up and I wasn't thinking straight. I explained it to them and even though my mother and younger brother accepted it, my other two brothers and my father turned away from me and treated me as one of the worst disgraces in the family.
But even as we are in the same space together, I have realized that if I do what they want I will not be comfortable with the only space that will be mine for the rest of my life, which is to be with myself. Meditation and acceptance of myself is the most important thing there is. Maybe in a month or so we can go out, but being with yourself that... you'll have that forever.
And if you never embrace and accept yourself, you'll never get out of your own quarantine and you'll never be free.
It doesn't matter what they can tell you because they won't live with you all your life. They'll live their life and you have to live yours.
Love is one of the few things we all have and it would be so sad if someone took it away from you just because they are blind and selfish. The pandemic will pass, but what you are will not.
"
Marry, Mexico
"I have been lucky enough not to be surrounded by bad people in this quarantine. What is affecting me is that I am still not respected with my pronouns in my house and I cannot be with the people who do respect me for who I am."
Yazmín, Tucumán, Argentina
"Living together as three gay men through this pandemic crisis has been a very positive, bonding experience on the whole. My husband Tony and I share our home in Streatham, South London with a very handsome and colorful Bulgarian called Pavel.
We are in our fifties and he is a fit twenty-seven year old. When he moved in about a year ago I doubted we’d have much in common. Of an evening he attires himself in body hugging black pajamas set off by a pair of fluffy pink slippers, hence our affectionate title for him, Pavel, the puff in the pink slippers. However, getting to know him better I have realized he is not just some pretty, shallow queen, but a person of considerable depths; he is resourceful, resilient and brings a lot of laughter to our home, where he feels really at home.
The other guys joke about my OCD as armed with detol ( yes Mr Trump it has other uses apart from injecting it into the body) bacteria wipes and daffodil yellow Marigolds I wage war on the virus, wiping down surfaces, disinfecting floors, not missing a single door knob, light switch, telephone receiver or laptop keyboard. In actual fact I know the boys really approve of my fastidious cleaning routine; nowadays people with cleaning OCD are like the fourth emergency service and should be greatly appreciated rather than treated as objects of scorn.
Really there isn’t much to say that is very dramatic about our gay lives during lockdown. We count ourselves fortunate to be able to be just normal people during these abnormal times. We help out where we can, shopping for elderly neighbors, pop to the food banks now and then to donate and have also been assembling face shields for the NHS at home. We’ve got quite an assembly line going: Tony applies the sticky tape to the Perspex, I place the plastic rod on the sticky tape and Pavel threads the elastic string through the holes. We’re a great team!
The beautiful sunny weather has been a great bonus during lockdown. The high garden fence is festooned with roses in full bloom, their thorny stems weighed down by heavy pink and red blobs. How ironic that it is like this for seven weeks of lockdown. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if the day we unlock the skies turn grey and overcast and those dirty dishwater London days return with a vengeance. Meanwhile we’re enjoying the cleanest air we’ve ever breathed in this city and the more frequent visits to the garden from birds, bumble bees and butterflies. And we look up at a cloudless blue sky and hope for a brighter future for us all.
"
David, London, UK
"I am an LGBT+ activist, a private family law litigator, an advisor to a Congresswoman, an advisor to the State Human Rights Commission, and a high school history teacher.
How has COVID-19 affected my life?
People like me are used to a fast pace of life, a busy life, working from 7 am to 11 pm, taking action for society on a permanent and constant basis.
The confinement, the helplessness of not being able to help and the helplessness to see how my society destroys itself, as they share fake news and call to disobey the government recommendations. It makes me feel really bad.
To top it all off, two blocks from my house, a state-run COVID-19 hospital was established. So I hear ambulances at night (which means they are carrying sick people) and ambulances in the daytime. The daytime ambulances give me peace of mind because they mean someone is getting healthy.
I have had 3 episodes of anxiety attacks already.
"My name is Nathan, I am 18 years old, and I am going to tell you my story. I am confined in Montpellier at my parents' home with my two older brothers and my mother. I'm not alone, but I feel very lonely, spending the whole day on my bed or in my room, my nose buried in my computer screen to finish my school year and pass my exams for higher education.
A few days before France was locked down my relationship ended – the first time I was heartbroken over a boy. I barely had time to see some friends after it happened before I had to go home and lock myself away.
This breakup and the beginning of the lockdown forced me to stay alone with myself. There are obviously not only negative sides to this, but a lot of positive sides too. I’ve been taking care of myself, I’ve accepted my body, I’ve begun, little by little, to look at myself in the mirror and truly love myself. I celebrated my 18th birthday on March 31. This birthday, my breakup and this lockdown feel like being reborn – as if I was born on March 31, 2020, as if I was turning a page and starting my life as a young adult.
This situation inspires me a lot, I keep writing my lyrics, singing them and composing my music, drawing, laughing, thinking, loving my loved ones, and imagining what our life will be like after the liberation.
Yes, I say liberation because it will truly be a liberation for all of us. We will celebrate 2020 as we should. It is inconceivable for us, citizens of the world, to deprive ourselves of our freedoms, such as moving around, going out, having fun all night long, getting drunk in bars, seeing friends, kissing, touching, smelling, tasting, eventually living...
This ordeal that we are going through is, in my opinion, a message that the planet is sending us, a kind of alert to tell us that there are surely too many of us. We take up too much space, we pollute too much, and we produce too much.
In the next few months we will have to live with this, even though it is frustrating not to be able to imagine our future and our lives afterwards. The virus will probably be part of us, we will surely all end up catching it, and we will have to be strong to protect ourselves and behave sensibly without giving crazy.
It's May 2, 2020 and here's where I am and what I think about all what is still unclear to me. We can only make assumptions about what will happen. To be honest I am scared about what will happen next, I am scared for myself and others.
What's sure is that I can't wait to start my adult life and I crave meeting people. Thank you for taking a little time to read my story, it's heartwarming to be able to express my feelings about this situation. Good luck to you, reader.
"
Nathan, Montpellier, France
"I'm transgender and my wife is a lesbian. We live in an improvised way, on the terrace of my mom's house. I study administration, and work in financial education. My wife prepares to take university entrance exams and works as a tattoo and piercing artist.
Because of my financial knowledge, we have (thank God) a financial reserve for emergencies, both in our personal lives and in her business. So I've put together a contingency plan to make sure the business still makes some profit while I work remotely, giving online classes and keeping my income.
So, financially we're ok, but emotionally we're shaken. Our relations with our families have long been troubled by dysfunctionality, prejudice and distress.
And on top of all that, my hormones are running out – drugstores have been out of it for more than 2 years. And I'll have to risk my life leaving the house to buy it secretly, praying that it's available and thanking God I have the money for it.
We have a lot of problems that hetero normative couples don't even dream about, but we consider ourselves blessed and privileged compared to so many others in the LGBTQ+ community.
Even with everything that's going on, I consider it great to have found a partner that's so dedicated and present, to have a solid, supporting relationship with so much friendship.
We're already survivors. We know what it's like to fight to exist. Even if it's not comfortable and it leaves a lot of scars, we're not living through a situation that's completely unknown to us. I've developed resistance to exhaustion and constant exertion. I can only hope we make it out of this alive.
"
Danillo, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
"I'm Chris, a trans boy that hasn’t come out to his family yet. Going to school was my ticket to freedom, the real me could come out. I was able to smile and stop pretending, outside the safety of my mind I was still being physically attacked [but] I was me, so it didn't matter.
After they announced the quarantine, my life turned back to keeping up appearances, having to listen about how I should look, behave, and be, falling back into the loneliness that I was in before I went to school. A person helped me to free myself, when I found her I found myself, and now I am far away from them.
I just want the quarantine to end and to feel that freedom again. Also, for school, every week they gave me a small amount of money for lunch. I was saving it for a chest binder since bandages are not healthy. I don't think they'll give me that money now. I believe I'll have to wait for the binder longer than expected.
"
Chris, Mexico City, Mexico
"I was all set to retire at the end of March 2020 from the NHS (National Health Service in England). The plan was to move to Spain at the end of April 2020 but as you know all plans have been blown out of the water and as yet that has not happened. I had only been away from the hospital for 2 days when I got a call asking me to return to the NHS and help them out with what was happening with COVID-19 and would be there for the next few months.
I am not sure when or even if I will be moving to Spain as now have to see what happens next with Brexit. I am hoping they see sense and extend beyond the end of the year so me and lots of people who planned to retire to a sunnier climate can go ahead. Life during this time has been so surreal at times and some days it has been lonely.
I have lost colleagues in the NHS who will be sadly missed but because they have gone they will never be forgotten. I hope when we come out the other side that people treat each other with love, kindness and respect.
"
Christopher, London, UK
"I am a person who does not identify with my assigned gender, and I am constantly searching for the gender expression that best represents me. I share a house with two other friends who also identify as non-binary.
In our daily life we prepare food and take care of our plants. We have weekly meetings scheduled to talk about how we have been feeling and what we could change for the week.
Sometimes it's more complicated than it sounds because we don't have jobs, the cafeteria where we used to work is closed and the city seems like a ghost town.
There are restaurants that use the hashtag "#NoOneGoesUnder" (in Spanish #AquiNadieTruena) and people at traffic lights with placards saying they lost their jobs while selling water or whatever they can sell on the street. We try to keep busy, we've tattooed each other, we play board games, and we have seen huge amounts of TV shows.
What I miss most about the time before the quarantine was being able to decide not to go out. I didn’t go out much because there are few places (maybe none) that are trans-inclusive, so socializing was already a problem before this quarantine. I would really like to make the non-binary struggle and the use of neutral language visible, my brother (hetero cis) told me that he would never in his life use inclusive language other than, with me because he doesn't think it is for everyone. Every day he resists he is part of this struggle.
"
GP, Zapopan, Mexico
"I'm lucky, in that coronavirus hasn't really changed my life too much. I'm disabled, so I was at home all the time anyway, and all of my friends are long distance as it is. I talk to them on Discord every day. My girlfriend lives nearly 3k miles from me, in Canada, and we've been long distance for ten years, so that hasn't been a problem either. But it easily could've been if coronavirus had hit earlier. She got a hefty inheritance last year, and after buying some things she'd really needed for a long time (she and her mom are both disabled as well, and living on welfare), she came to visit me finally, and even funded a three-day trip for the two of us to Baltimore (it'd been years since I'd been to the national aquarium there).
If coronavirus had hit last fall, her visit would've been postponed indefinitely, at which point the money would probably have been used up on other essentials. It was an amazing opportunity for both of us, and it's scary to think it might have never happened.
I can't imagine what other people are doing right now, trying to keep relationships going through social distancing and paranoia and misinformation.
I feel bad for all the people who usually hit up pride events in June, because those events probably won't happen.
I worry about all the queer kids stuck at home with family that doesn't understand or appreciate them.
"
Kate, Wawarsing, NY, USA
"I'm an activist in Belém do Pará and my life has completely changed because of the pandemic. Here we have one of the highest rates of mortality, and we've recently entered lockdown. I'm confined at home.
I've been getting messages from LGBTI+ people who are vulnerable due to COVID-19. These are people who are unemployed and can't pay for their life necessities. Many of them live alone because they were kicked out of their homes by family members who didn't accept that they are LGBTI+. That's why we decided to run a campaign to collect food donations. We've managed to help more than 100 people so far.
We've lost so many friends to COVID-19 already. And others were turned invisible. It seems hate crimes against LGBTI+ people have become meaningless and don't even get reported. We need to stay strong. All government measures taken to ease the impact of the pandemic are not reaching our LGBTI+ community. So it’s up to us to roll up our sleeves and fight for our own people.
"
Beto, Belém, Brazil
"Hi, I'm Clara. I'm transgender. I live in Salvador, Bahia. Living with all these restrictions isn't easy. I'm currently unemployed. And looking for a new job puts me in an unfavorable position. In my state, especially in this city, looking for recruitment as a trans person is in itself almost impossible. Now, with such high levels of unemployment and so many activities stopping due to the pandemic, we trans folks come last if we want any job. Discrimination is huge on all levels: at home with the family, in society, at work. In short: it's not easy. Not at all!"
Clara, Salvador, Brazil
"Hello! This audio recording is dedicated to all those members of the LGBT+ community who do not feel good about themselves, who don't fit the stereotypes of beauty and might feel bad or feel like they are not enough.
"I haven't left home for more than a month for anything other than grocery shopping, the pharmacy or the bank. I am worried the company I work for might let go of the staff.
Officially, we are working remotely, but the problem is that our work schedule is not being respected. They send messages at any time and make us work on holidays or weekends until very late.
I'm a versatile gay, they say I'm handsome, but I've always been lonely, I've never been sociable. My only option for sex is to join groups that are only looking for sex, or go to the videos or Grindr. The times I've tried to be part of some social group, it hasn't worked out, and so I assumed I wasn't good at socializing.
So my life these last few years has just been about keeping up with my work schedule, going home, taking care of my mother and sometimes keep working at home.
Four years ago we lost my younger brother to HIV and since then my poor mother has been very affected and has become dependent on us, especially on me. So I have taken over her care which does not bother me, but she has become very hypochondriacal and depressed.
Since the beginning of the quarantine, my daily routine is to get up, disinfect the house, take care of my mother, sit at the computer to attend to the day's work, go shopping when it's needed, have lunch, continue with the work, send my daily work report, watch something on Netflix and go to sleep.
In addition, there are the economic concerns, which is why I have extended my bank credit as much as possible since my income has been cut by half. No sexual activity, I just download porn on my cell phone and sometimes I make video calls in the bathroom to masturbate to whomever I meet online.
Before all that I was already going through episodes of anxiety and depression, which have now intensified. To sleep I have to take pills, and I am always worried about what will happen next. I am also considered a high-risk person because I have high blood pressure and shopping or going to the bank is always a concern because I could bring the virus home and infect my mom who is an elder. Luckily, she has already been tested and has come back negative.
Before the quarantine, during my episodes of depression and anxiety I was already thinking about suicide because of the economic issue, but I had to overcome it because of my mother. Now the fear of how things might change in the future when the pandemic passes has me worried.
"
Coco, Lima, Perú
"As a queer and disabled New Yorker, the pandemic has been challenging. I am mostly bed bound and rely on online grocery services - now everyone relies on them and it's hard to get time slots.
I have a very limited diet (for medical reasons - it's not some trendy voluntary diet lol), so at times it has been a challenge to get enough food that I can eat. It's also been tricky because I rely on my PCAs (or personal care attendants) to help stay independent in my home. The state does not provide them with proper PPE (which all essential workers deserve), and so one of them (who is also disabled and queer is also immunocompromised and had to stop coming to work - losing their paycheck because there is no paid sick days.
My other PCA - who is also disabled and queer was coming to work but then got sick.
Meanwhile, the Governor (who some people are just going ga ga for - because Cuomo is more with it and intelligent than Trump - but so are most things. I get that this is comforting but it's also setting the bar terribly low) has been pushing so hard for cuts in funding to hospitals and healthcare programs, like the CDPA which now only empowers me as a disabled and queer person to hire my own people, but keeps queer folks like me out of nursing homes, where it is impossible to self-isolate, which is why there are so many cases in places like that.
I am making the best of things as much as one can, because one has to, but it's been very hard to deal with the consequences the pandemic and then have to fight attacks against your healthcare and freedom, while there is rampant disability erasure when people talk about the virus, often only talking about the elderly but leaving out people who are chronically ill and/or disabled and vulnerable to the virus.
"
Michele, New York City, USA
"My boyfriend and I have been a couple for 10 years. For work reasons he has been living in Mexico for a year and a half. We spent New Year's together, and in March I was planning to visit him for a few weeks. But now, here we are. Without being able to see each other, both of us going through this crisis, and without knowing when we will be able to see each other again.
"
Javier, Río Cuarto, Argentina
"Reading queer fiction and poetry with a friend over Skype once a week - our favorite is 'Kissing the Witch' by Emma Donoghue."
Caroline, London, UK
"I thought 2020 would be the year of my coming out. I never thought it would be the year of the coronavirus. Two difficult things to face. Suddenly everything changes. You find yourself baffled. Tense. Unable to understand what's best to do, how best to act, what other people will think.
I see people wearing masks and I think I've worn a lot of masks to hide the fact that I've always liked boys and girls. Now I've run out of them. Now everything has come to light. It was February 14, 2020: Valentine's Day. It was the day that always jinxed me. There was some screaming, crying, recriminations, questions and accusations, I should have expected it. Everything changes, everything.
Life changes, just like with the virus. At first, it seems like a drama, then you slowly get used to it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and I'm here, even though that day I seriously thought about suicide (how can I live in a house where they treat me like that? What the hell did I do wrong?!). It took a whole week before we started talking again. I call it my personal quarantine because all I could do was barricade myself inside and try to deal with that evil. As I always have, as I always have.
Then the quarantine became real for everyone. The enemy is out there, keeping you from breathing. Like evil words, that tighten your throat and leave you without energy, without anything, without breath. But even those will go away. Like the virus, which sooner or later will pass.
Last Sunday, meanwhile, a miracle happened. 'If we all reasoned like you, the world would be a better place,' my grandmother told me. I kept quiet, but inside I cried. With joy this time. I haven't felt so close to her since the day I came out. Even from two meters away.
"
Nicole, Padova, Italy
"During the quarantine, fortunately, I haven’t lost my job. But unfortunately, I’ve lost a friend and my grandfather. I'm isolated at home with my husband and my three dogs. We haven't gone out for anything except grocery shopping. Isolation is the kind of experience that sets off all our emotional triggers, leaving us sensitive, but at the same time numb.
My grandfather passed away on a Saturday. I couldn't visit him at the hospital. I couldn't go to his funeral. I hadn’t processed completely what had happened until Monday, when I had to help my mom deal with funeral issues. She is isolated from everyone because she had contact with my grandfather.
I think we still see a lot of people out on the streets and getting together because the virus is invisible. It took me a while to believe that my grandfather was gone because I didn't get to participate in any part of saying goodbye to him. It wasn't real because I hadn't seen it.
I see a parallel between COVID-19 and AIDS. Many LGBTQIA+ people ignore it because it's invisible, and they don't protect themselves.
When I say we're numb, it's because of that. We're facing an invisible enemy, and we have the Brazilian culture as a big disadvantage. We're a people of contact. We like standing in line, we like big events, full streets, celebrating together. We're also a people who only believe what we see.
My husband and my family (and I include his family in this) have been fundamental in this time. They’ve saved me from sinking into depression. Imagining the lonely death of a friend or family member in these times is a huge trigger.
I sincerely hope that in a time like this – when the government goes in the opposite direction of wisdom – the LGBTQIA+ community can be an example of generosity and union, even if apart.
"
Rafael, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
"Hello, my name is Rafael Silva and I'm 37 years old. I'm an actor, cultural producer and radio broadcaster. And a drag queen, too. I've been playing my main character, Thânya TULmuto, here in Recife for 15 years now.
Living through the COVID-19 pandemic without work is one of the biggest challenges of these last 15 years. There’s little help for people like us who work independently.
Surviving on the last resources we've earned at parties is all we've got now. There's also the financial assistance from the government, R$600, which came very late.
It's a big challenge. But in the silence we find answers too.
I've been trying to calm things down, to let time go by. And to keep my patience. And I’ve been praying for better days, because better days will come.
"
Thânya TULmuto, Recife, Brazil
"Because of this lockdown, everyone in our community- transgender persons, Mangalamukhis, Jogappas, Kothis, DDs, gay people and many others from the MSM community - as well as the Dalit community, the Adivasi community, and daily wage earners are all dealing with a lot of hardships right now. Many people from gender minority communities, for example, have had to leave their (biological) families behind and migrate to find accommodation elsewhere, in rented spaces. Since we can't seek alms or do sex work for income anymore, we're unable to pay our rent. We do not even have food rations to cook with. This situation is very problematic.
Our mental health has taken a hit. Many people from the Hijra and Jogappa communities are feeling down. People from our community are often very upset, wondering why they are in this situation. We already live with a lot of difficulties and face a lot of mental health issues. We find ourselves deeply impacted by the mental health issues on one hand, and financial pressures on the other.
These problems have been addressed, at least in part, by the food rations 49 people in the district received from Solidarity Foundation through our Community Based Organization, which lasted us for about 15 days. These included people from gender minority communities as well as poor people from across Yadgiri District. However, there are about 700 people from the LGBTIAQ+ community in our district, and our organization has only been able to reach about 49 people in total from different communities so far. Many are also struggling to pay rent.
People living with HIV have also been struggling with mental health issues. Some 35-40 people from the community are living with HIV. Some have been unable to procure medicines, with no transport available. Even those who manage to find somebody to give them a ride end up getting stopped outside towns and prevented from going in. The rest have medicine to last them for only about 2 months. We don't know what to do. We don’t know how to find a solution to this."
Maya, Yadgiri district, Karnataka, India
"As the pools are all closed, to keep fit and help all of my clients stay trim and strong, I’ve been doing free workouts every day on my roof in Soho on Instagram live... I save all the videos to my YouTube channel as well. It’s literally kept me sane during the lockdown and I feel like I’m still seeing people on a daily basis – it’s so nice!"
David, London, UK
"I can't hide the fact that my mental health is deteriorating every day, every hour more. For me, being locked in the house against my will is proving to be more difficult than I imagined: in every moment of silence and deadlock, my mind is constantly whispering all I should do and should be. All my doubts and fears reappear and freeze me. If there was no Internet or at least the telephone, I would never have a break from my head and the negative thoughts I keep hammering myself with.
Just before the quarantine, I had found a temporary release valve that made me happy: performing at LGBTQ+ nights. I felt at home in those moments, I felt like some of my quirks were being accepted, but this virus took that away too."
Altea, Coccaglio, Italy
"Most of us here are suffering because of the pandemic and lockdown. We used to go to work in the morning and earn Rs 200 - 500 a day, but now we're stuck in the slums we stay in, not allowed to go outside to work. We can only run our homes if we can go out to work and earn but for the last month or so this lockdown has been in force.
We have conveyed this message to the local, zonal, and tehsildar (administrative officials) offices, but we aren’t getting any help from the government. We are being told to stay at home; people who have the means to stay at home are at home and eating, but nobody is concerned about those who can’t afford to do that. Everything is sealed down and the police beat up anyone who ventures out."
Anonymous, India
"The situation of our community over here is very dire because stringent restrictions have been implemented due to the number of positive COVID-19 cases in Bijapur.
I had gone to collect ART(HIV) medication to distribute to our community but the police didn’t let me. They refused to even stock ART(HIV) medication for community members to come and collect. There were two people whom I tried to supply ART medication to - I was unable to reach either of them because I don't own a government pass to travel in this lockdown, and it is very difficult to even talk to local officers here about the situation we're facing.
When our community approached officials for help with food rations or rent, we were told to reach out to the Municipal Corporation where a single ration kit costs Rs 780, far beyond the reach of community members who barely have Rs 120 on them because of the income shortage.
We have received help so far from Solidarity Foundation, KHPT (Karnataka Health Promotion Trust), and local funders but nothing from the government yet. We’ve reached out and written to MLAs, Tehsildars (administrative officials), and other government officials but not a single ration kit has been issued to the community by them. We'd prefer it if they just issued travel passes to us, so we can find funders on our own to support our community. There is no use waiting for the government to act because they don’t understand the livelihood issues faced by our community."
Shabbir, community leader, Bijapur district, Karnataka, India
"Our community depends solely on seeking donations for survival. Because of the current lockdown, we cannot go anywhere to make an income. We were always oppressed and faced hardships even with that income, but we were at least able to somehow manage our lives.
A few of our community members who had migrated for work are now being forced to return to their families to avoid being stranded because of the pandemic situation. Many of them haven't revealed their trans identities to their families and will be forced to go through the tough and painful experience of presenting their gender differently than they've always done. We face this, in addition to the forced isolation at home and mockery and discrimination in their neighborhoods.
We hear that the lockdown may be further extended - it's unpredictable. If this keeps going on we don't know how we'll survive, the community has a lot of people who are old, many even with health issues like diabetes and HIV. Not all transgender communities are even being reached out to with help during this crisis - many are simply just not getting enough support. We first got ration support from Solidarity Foundation and later on even from our District officials - 60 community members were given ration kits. We request continued support in the days to come, we don’t know who else to reach out to for help because everyone is facing the same situation."
Deepu, transgender community leader, Chamarajanagar district, Karnataka, India
"I look after the health of people who may not accept people like me. Just like that. I'm a doctor, I'm a transgender woman, and I'm very happy to help during the pandemic. I just hope that one day all the people who don't accept that transgender people exist will realize that, without them knowing it, we are providing them with welfare and health. You're welcome!"
María, Mexico
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